The Aztec Legend of Huitzilopochtli and Coyolxauhqui
Why am I writing about Aztec gods? No, I have not travelled to Mexico recently, but I do regularly visit the past for my day job, creating resources for Primary Topic Shop. When I’m not making cheese, that is.
At the moment I’m researching the Aztecs, or more accurately the Mexica. And let me tell you, Aztec mythology is mad. Mad in both the British and North American sense. British mad, like crazy, and angry mad, as in the gods got so mad they destroyed the world four times.
I write a very child-friendly version of these savage stories, so I thought I’d let out some steam by writing the story of the siblings, Huitzilopochtli and Coyolxauhqui, in all its brutal glory.
First of all, it’s a mouthful, isn’t it? I mean, presumably, you’re reading this in your head and not out loud, so you’ve just glossed right over those names, but in case you’re interested (or my mother, who likes to read the internet out loud), this is how you say them:
Huitzilopochtli: wee-tsee-low-potch-tlee
Coyolxauhqui: ko-yol-shauw-key
Rolls off the tongue now, right?
Okay, here we go…
The earth goddess Coatlicue (koe-at-lee-kway) was the mother of four hundred sons and one daughter. She probably should have had her feet up for the rest of her life after such a feat, but at the beginning of this tale, she is sweeping a mountaintop. Still doing housework!?! I mean, couldn’t one of her four hundred and one children have given her a hand, or like, hired someone for her? Ungrateful wretches.
So, she’s minding her own business, sweeping away, and a feather (or a ball of feathers, depending on the version) falls into her apron.
“Ooh,” she says to herself, “isn’t this nifty?”
She tucks the feather into her belt while she finishes sweeping. Finally, she plops herself downs and reaches into her belt to admire her feather, but it’s gone.
She leapt to the only conclusion that was probably in Aztec mythology. She’s been impregnated by a feather.
What would she have been thinking at that point? Was she like, oh no, I only planned to have four hundred and one children, not four hundred and two, how am I going to afford this? This feather is the worst baby daddy.
I guess she is okay with it, the legends aren’t real clear, but her daughter, Coyolxauhqui, is most definitely not impressed. She is enraged. Her mother is up the duff with a ball of feathers, the horror, the shame! She gets her 400 brothers together and convinces them the only solution is to kill their disgraceful mother.
Like, worst daughter over.
If you have a daughter and she’s being a witch with a “b”, but she’s not rallying her brothers to kill you over some feathers, just take a moment to realize that things could be worse.
The brothers agree to kill their mother, and 399 of them are really down with the plan. However, one of the brothers goes to the mountaintop to warn Coatlicue and the unborn baby, Huitzilopochtli.
Coatlicue is frantic, but Huitzilopochtli says, “It’s alright mum, I got this,” and Coatlicue calms right down. Because fetuses are such wonderful bodyguards, right? Who needs pepper spray when you have an unborn child.
Coyolxauhqui and her brothers storm Coatepec (which means Snake Mountain for all you He-Man fans). Coyolxauhqui strikes at her mother. At that moment, Huitzilopochtli is born as a fully-grown adult, armed with a shield, arrows and a dart thrower.
Ouch.
No amount of kegels are going to repair that.
In some versions of the legend, Huitzilopochtli is born from her neck, but I’m not totally sure that’s better.
Huitzilopochtli then takes a moment to paint himself with blue stripes and put on a feathered crown.
Okay… either gods can paint super fast or Coyolxauhqui and her brother courteously pause their attack until he was done primping.
When Huitzilopochtli is satisfied he looks super fly, he kills his sister with a snake weapon, cuts off her head, chops up her body and throws it down the mountain.
Next, he throws her head into the sky, where it becomes the moon.
Awww, kind of sweet, really.
Then he hunts down and kills most of his brothers. I think I read that he eats all their hearts, but that seems unlikely. How many raw hearts can one eat before one loses heart. Loses heart, get it? That’s why I’m a writer, folks.
Some brothers escape to the south and become stars in the sky.
The End
Mad.